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16

Sep

NSFW!! So a random man in Romania sent me a photo of his penis with this message: 

please my wife could you please sex with me?!!!

My wife I love you has sex on me please!

Please just love me!!!

My response:

Only a rude pervert would send a woman he doesn’t even know this photo. Your dick pic is now going on my blog. Have a great day. *delete & block*

So I have decided that with the influx of penis photos I have been receiving due to my fan page numbers going up that if you send me a photo of your penis on Facebook, Tinder, text or any other means of communication without me asking for it you are now becoming a subject of my weekly dick pic.

This dick comes from Romania where dicks have long hair, wear glasses, smoke out of pipes and eat sushi. Why sushi? Because I thought it looked funny.  

This penis isn’t very interesting otherwise so I had to dress it up. I’m not sure if it’s at half mast or fully charged but it seems to be lacking in strength and has an interesting curvature to it. He man scapes which is important but over man scaping makes you look like a little boy and that’s just too much so scale back on trimming the hedges is my best advice to Romania.

Think twice before you send me a photo or lewd message boys.

NSFW!! So a random man in Romania sent me a photo of his penis with this message:

please my wife could you please sex with me?!!!

My wife I love you has sex on me please!

Please just love me!!!

My response:

Only a rude pervert would send a woman he doesn’t even know this photo. Your dick pic is now going on my blog. Have a great day. *delete & block*

So I have decided that with the influx of penis photos I have been receiving due to my fan page numbers going up that if you send me a photo of your penis on Facebook, Tinder, text or any other means of communication without me asking for it you are now becoming a subject of my weekly dick pic.

This dick comes from Romania where dicks have long hair, wear glasses, smoke out of pipes and eat sushi. Why sushi? Because I thought it looked funny.

This penis isn’t very interesting otherwise so I had to dress it up. I’m not sure if it’s at half mast or fully charged but it seems to be lacking in strength and has an interesting curvature to it. He man scapes which is important but over man scaping makes you look like a little boy and that’s just too much so scale back on trimming the hedges is my best advice to Romania.

Think twice before you send me a photo or lewd message boys.

15

Sep

Out with my lady for a Fabulous Lady Day #bff #bestie #theleague #fabulous #lady #sexy #crazy #centralamericangirls #puertoricangirls #youloveit #booty #boobs #dresses #heels #legs #lips #margarita #sweet  (at don julio’s cantina)

Out with my lady for a Fabulous Lady Day #bff #bestie #theleague #fabulous #lady #sexy #crazy #centralamericangirls #puertoricangirls #youloveit #booty #boobs #dresses #heels #legs #lips #margarita #sweet (at don julio’s cantina)

13

Sep

#sexysaturday #legs #pinup #model #pinupmodel #rockabilly #risarisque #burlesque #babes #boobs #cowgirl #vintagecars #orlando #native #sexy #silly #singer #sweet #girlswithcurves #girlswholift #girlswithtattoos

#sexysaturday #legs #pinup #model #pinupmodel #rockabilly #risarisque #burlesque #babes #boobs #cowgirl #vintagecars #orlando #native #sexy #silly #singer #sweet #girlswithcurves #girlswholift #girlswithtattoos

09

Sep

A little #bts from last night the private corporate event I was honored to both coordinate and bartend. You want an entertainment bartender? Body paint artist and models? Burlesque and belly dancers? Look no further my team has it all and more ;) #bookings #bartenderlife #babes #bodypaint #models #sexy #sexybitch #girlswithcurves #girlswithtattoos #girlswithtattoosdoitbetter #girlswholift #burlyq #burlesque #artshow #conventions #tradeshow

A little #bts from last night the private corporate event I was honored to both coordinate and bartend. You want an entertainment bartender? Body paint artist and models? Burlesque and belly dancers? Look no further my team has it all and more ;) #bookings #bartenderlife #babes #bodypaint #models #sexy #sexybitch #girlswithcurves #girlswithtattoos #girlswithtattoosdoitbetter #girlswholift #burlyq #burlesque #artshow #conventions #tradeshow

06

Sep

For the last 5 months between 2 jobs & performing I haven’t had any days off until today, totally unplanned & random weekend off. Started my day running 5 miles so I’m gonna treat myself to my favorite food, can’t have a cheat day until you workout 💘 #mexican #corona #coronita #dayoff #performerlife #bartenderlife #singer #vacation #friends #fun #margarita #fishtacos #girlswholift #runner #girlswithcurves #orlando #ucf

For the last 5 months between 2 jobs & performing I haven’t had any days off until today, totally unplanned & random weekend off. Started my day running 5 miles so I’m gonna treat myself to my favorite food, can’t have a cheat day until you workout 💘 #mexican #corona #coronita #dayoff #performerlife #bartenderlife #singer #vacation #friends #fun #margarita #fishtacos #girlswholift #runner #girlswithcurves #orlando #ucf

05

Sep

Tinder takes Catfish to a new level!

Every day I go through photos and it never fails, guy holding fish…although I give it to Tyler that’s a nice fish. Now I like to fish as much as the next girl…no really, but this is like fish overload and unless that fish is wearing a tuxedo, singing on Broadway I’m honestly not real impressed. I know it shows your “interests” but it’s safe to say by now I can assume every dude on Tinder likes to fish.

01

Sep

#happylaborday #happy #lake #fun #texas #dallas #dfw #cowgirl #fun #girlswithtattoos #girlswithcurves #girlswithtattoosdoitbetter #futuretrophywife #jk #boyfriend #boobs #millerlite

#happylaborday #happy #lake #fun #texas #dallas #dfw #cowgirl #fun #girlswithtattoos #girlswithcurves #girlswithtattoosdoitbetter #futuretrophywife #jk #boyfriend #boobs #millerlite

Working at Click’s today so if you’re around & not at the beach, help a bitch out & come have a drink and bring me your BBQ left overs or at least a pumpkin latte ;) have fun, be safe, take an Uber, don’t drive drunk & remember…MERICA! The only country who celebrates taking a day off to get drunk!

Working at Click’s today so if you’re around & not at the beach, help a bitch out & come have a drink and bring me your BBQ left overs or at least a pumpkin latte ;) have fun, be safe, take an Uber, don’t drive drunk & remember…MERICA! The only country who celebrates taking a day off to get drunk!

31

Aug

Dear Bartender,

Dear Bartender,

I am broke, and will tell you all my woes. And order a couple pitchers of beer and possibly a shot or two. I’m so sorry you have to wash my dishes, make my drinks, stand here & listen to me because I am clearly the only person in the world experiencing financial distress. But in light of all of that, I do not have enough money to tip you…I am so, so, sorry. Here’s a dollar though, I hope that makes up for my apology. And your time. I’m really, just, broke. And now, so are you…again, sorry!!!

Sincerely,

Broke & Sorry Guest at your bar


This happened to me several times last week. One man was having issues with work & lives at home with his mother. Another sent her child her college. Another just quit his job. So, here if am having the worst week of my life and you think your apologies mean something to me.

Here’s the hard truth customers. Your tips are our living. Duh. You knew that. If you can’t afford to go out & order a beer…let alone a pitcher, some shots, a pack of ciggies, don’t fucking go out!

Funny thing is broke people don’t go out & order one damn beer. I have been broke & still budgeted enough to tip 20% you’re being ridiculous. Even the homeless that randomly wander in will only order one beer & tip decently but you working class will order and order and tip maybe a dollar if I’m lucky or run out on your tab.

REAL TALK there’s a special place for you who run out on your tab. I pay for it. Me, alone. And I will see you again because you will be back. That’s just bar life.

I love, LOVE, being a bartender. I love listening to your crazy stories, hearing your gossip, making you drinks…but when you treat me like a second class citizen, when you betray my trust when you trust in me so much to tell me these things I lose all respect for you.

So, rant over, please, if you don’t have money to tip your bartender at least a dollar a drink (they are working hard for your ass) then…STAY HOME!

If you don’t have money to tip, don’t tell me…just…STAY HOME!

If it was a bad week & you can’t afford a good tip…uhhhh don’t drink so much, drink at home or… STAY HOME AND DONT DRINK!!

I know, know, you don’t want to drink at home…it’s boring, it sucks, it means you’re a loser in your opinion…no, one, it doesn’t. Two, it’s wayyy cheaper…and you can wallow in your misery alone rather than projecting on your bartender which is actually not our job to be your depressing sounding board.

So, please remember, if you can’t tip, don’t go out. Save your money for a better life, alcohol and bars don’t make life better you’re just lonely. Get a bottle of wine & a movie for goodness sake it’s probably cheaper and you don’t have to apologize to anyone.

Love,
Bitchy Bartender

Thank you @zetatank for taking these BTS of last night’s burlesque! I cut my finger open, drank some whiskey, did a duet with a friend & made some weird new ones, and gave a weird performance on stage…thanks for all who came & supported! #kisses #burlesque #burlyq #babes #bands #bitch #boobs #pasties #pinup #pretty #porn #sexy #silly #sweet #singer #justforfun #jk

Thank you @zetatank for taking these BTS of last night’s burlesque! I cut my finger open, drank some whiskey, did a duet with a friend & made some weird new ones, and gave a weird performance on stage…thanks for all who came & supported! #kisses #burlesque #burlyq #babes #bands #bitch #boobs #pasties #pinup #pretty #porn #sexy #silly #sweet #singer #justforfun #jk